Quick! Everyone Panic!

Have you ever thought to the future. . . no, that isn't where I want to start this.

Okay, back when I was in elementary school I thought middle school was so far away that I would never get there. I thought the same thing as a 6th grader for high school, and a freshman for college.  what I know now is that whether you like it or not, whether you make a conscious effort to do the best you can every single day, the world moves on. Time, moves on. and you reach the future that you never thought you would reach. back in middle school, thinking I would never get to high school was nothing. high school isn't the real world. it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. you forget what you were memorized for that one history test, and those math equations that you never remembered in the first place that you wrote on your hand for the test. high school doesn't matter.

but now. . . I'm in college, worrying about the future again. but this time it's for real. the future after college is real life, and I'm worried that I'm not cut out for it. what if I can't make it? I'll go crazy if I'm stuck in Vancouver for the rest of my life! but what if. what if I can't make it in New York like I DESPERATELY want to? what am I supposed to do if I'm no good? come back to Vancouver and work at a lame job and live in a second rate apartment? I don't want that kind of life. What if I simply can't do it?

every once in a while these thoughts come back to me and I panic. I know it stems from my abysmally low self-esteem, but that doesn't help the fear that I won't make it in the world. Andrew says that I won't end up destitute on the streets of New York. I think he says it to make me feel better (which he always does when I'm feeling sad) but he says he knows I won't because he "knows me". which I suppose makes sense. i would never let myself live on the streets, especially if there was somewhere else I could go (and I'll always be able to come home to my family in Vancouver, no matter how bad things get).

My friend Thanh says that all we can worry about is the here and now. Whenever I start to worry about the future, I just have to remind myself to slow down and breathe. I'm not there yet, I still have time. all I can do is worry about now. I can start worrying about the future next year when I'm applying for internships. :-p I feel like that's probably going to be a stressful time in my life.