Lately I've been feeling very sad and lonely. like I've been left out of something that I was so looking forward to. I feel like people that love me and care about me just really haven't had time for me. I know it isn't true, that my mind is up to it's old depression tricks. but it's really hard to keep myself from going down that way. after all, who would care about me? who wants to listen about how I'm feeling all the time? I annoy myself so why wouldn't other people get annoyed by me? why should my family have to put up with this worthless person who can't seem to get over one stupid person from her life. it's not the end of the world after all.
I hardly ever get like this anymore. mostly only after I dream about her. which I did last night. I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if I could just stay in that dream all the time, where people actually loved me. and where she was alive again. and we lived in that house again, just me and her.
Just thinking about it really makes me want to cry.
and on top of that I'm sort of worried about school again. last time I had such a difficult time. I wanted to go home after I was there for 2 days. I'm really going to miss my aunt and uncle again.
alright.
Ta
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Luxury
for this post I will refer to "Growing up" and "adult". I seem to be in a weird place where I am grown up but not yet an adult. although, legally I am an adult.
So, while I was growing up there were always certain luxuries that I was not allowed. and things that I've found that I really really want to have when I own my own home, or am living in an apartment, supporting myself. it's actually a little bit odd. one of the things I really really want is a dining room table with a table cloth. and nice furniture. I've never once had nice furniture in all my life. it's always been used, falling apart and stinking. it's not that my family is too poor to afford a nice couch, no, never that. my dad simply does not see the need to have a nice couch when the one we have is serviceable. even if it does smell like an old wet cat has been chain smoking on it for 50 years.
matching dishes and wall decor
decorative towels in the bathroom
a vanity and bench
that doesn't seem like too much to ask.
when I am an adult and living on my own, I promise myself that I will have those things. I won't be able to get them all at once, but I will have them.
So, while I was growing up there were always certain luxuries that I was not allowed. and things that I've found that I really really want to have when I own my own home, or am living in an apartment, supporting myself. it's actually a little bit odd. one of the things I really really want is a dining room table with a table cloth. and nice furniture. I've never once had nice furniture in all my life. it's always been used, falling apart and stinking. it's not that my family is too poor to afford a nice couch, no, never that. my dad simply does not see the need to have a nice couch when the one we have is serviceable. even if it does smell like an old wet cat has been chain smoking on it for 50 years.
matching dishes and wall decor
decorative towels in the bathroom
a vanity and bench
that doesn't seem like too much to ask.
when I am an adult and living on my own, I promise myself that I will have those things. I won't be able to get them all at once, but I will have them.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)