Have you ever

Have you ever felt the need to cry until you fall asleep? to cry long and hard and loud until someone takes your pain away?

That's what I'm feeling right now. and if I had the time, or the tears would come I would allow myself this one indulgence. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.

Meaning that I can't even allow myself to do this because I have homework to do. and everything I do (or choose NOT to do) affects my future, and as I want the best possible future, I have to do everything I can to make that a possibility. essentially, I have to give my life to school right now. I can't even afford time to cry. not right now anyways.

My English mid-term is due in t-minus 20 hours and it may or may not take approximately that much time to do it.

Please cry for me.

To Tame the Wild Spirit. . .

If I was a poet, I would make a poem with this title about a girl who dreams of adventure, sitting at her desk doing math homework or something. I think I would enjoy it.

Existential crisis.

okay. not really. but . . . you know how before a major change that you've been anticipating, you imagine how everything is going to be? yeah. and then it never turns out that way? at least it doesn't for me. maybe it does for you. maybe I'm just one of the unlucky ones. anyway, I don't really have the patience right now for this. or the energy. I'm just waiting for the sun to finally go down so I can get some god damned sleep already. I know I was supposed to go to the gym today, but I realized that it would be stupid to start today because I'm donating blood tomorrow and wouldn't be allowed to work out. also, I'm really fucking tired.

The air coming in my window smells like pot.

I'm not really surprised.

Maybe I'll finish this one later.

Night.