are you kidding me?

So I'm home for the weekend. Which, nearly as soon as I left I was like "this is going to turn out to be a huge mistake." Not surprisingly, I WAS FUCKING RIGHT. I've been regretting this decision since about 3pm yesterday. but now it's like "are you fucking kidding me? you're still pulling this shit?" I wish I was back at school. my roommate is still an inconsiderate bitch, but I know where I stand and I have some peace at least.

as soon as I get home normally, I make the obligatory family visits. I see my aunt and uncle and my grandma. it's just something that I have to do every time I come home. I was going to do it last night but my aunt said she wasn't feeling well, but said they were going to the zoo [today] and invited me along. of course I said yes and we planned to go around 10am. I suppose I was foolish for believing we would acually go around 10. but I had hopes when she texted me at 9:30 saying that they'll call me when they're ready to leave. so of course, I got up and showered and everything. and then I waited. and waited. and waited.

here we are 3 fucking hours later and not word one. I have no idea if they're just running late, if the decided they're not going, or if they just forgot they fucking invited me. I don't know what's fucking going on. but it's fucking rude. and this happens all the damn time. like come on. get your shit together and have some consideration for the people around you. make plans and fucking keep them. don't be 3 fucking hours late. or text or something and say "hey we're running late, we'll be ready at [insert approximate time here]" it ain't fucking difficult.

I'm so fucking done with this family it ain't even funny. as soon as I can, I'm fucking cutting ties. I don't even fucking care.

Just don't even fucking talk to me today.

here's a journal I had to write for one of my classes. it talks about why I fucking hate my roommate. It's not very concise. and it's pretty short and not very well organized. and it CERTAINLY doesn't list everything that is making me angry. cause I'm a ball of rage. but here we are.

My roommate is extremely bad at being a roommate. She’s inconsiderate and sometimes she's just straight up fucking rude. Like it literally seems like she thinks I don’t live here and every time I come into her eyesight, I’m intruding in HER home. Like no one matters but her.

            Like, I came into this roommate thing trying to be as considerate as possible. My nature lends me to that. Because I’m quite introverted and shy so I don’t really like being around people. but it almost seems like Gloria knows that and takes advantage of it. Her boyfriend has basically lived here all year and I feel like I can’t tell him to go away, even though his even being around makes me uncomfortable. And let me tell you, it seriously fucking suck to be uncomfortable in your own home. Like isn’t this supposed to be my sanctuary? Shouldn’t I at least be able to feel like I can leave my room? And it’s not like I’ve never brought this up to Gloria. I have. Several times. But all she says is that he’s not actually here that often. Except he is. He’s always fucking here except when they’re at school. She says he leaves late at night and comes back early morning. Like that’s supposed to be better.

            And she is in the living room all the time. So this weekend, while my sister and I have been here, she has been retreating into her room, which is great. Because for the first time all year, I’ve been able to spend some time in my own fucking living room on MY fucking furniture. And every fucking night she came out and told us to turn down the TV. Even though she is always up late watching TV loudly and talking loudly. Granted, I never ask her to quiet down, but that’s because I can deal with it. And when she takes my dirty dishes out of the dishwasher and runs it and then doesn’t put them back in after she does the dishes, I don’t say anything. Because that sounds like a small thing to nitpick. And on weekends when she gets up early and decides that she doesn’t have to be considerate of whether or not I’m still sleeping. 

          I know I’m not the best roommate. I do things that people don’t always understand. But I always try my best to be considerate about the people around me. and I’m allowing myself to be enraged about how I’m letting Gloria treat me. Because it’s certainly not her fault alone, and I understand that. But I just wish she would give me the same consideration I give her. Because, whether we like it or not, we have to live together for another month. And for the first time in my life, I’m not sure if I can handle it. I’ve always said I can live with anybody, cause I just don’t really give a fuck about anything. But I’ve never lived with anyone who so blatantly didn’t give a fuck about the people around them. I find it’s nearly impossible.