It's terrible, but here we are.
I put absolutely everything off until the last minute.
Take right now for instance, I have a group meeting that I have to go to tomorrow to put together our group paper for communications class. have I started on my section? no I have not. Have I thought about starting it? several times. but because it's difficult to write about and "I have LOADS of time. If I can't write 2 paragraphs in my 5 hours of free time before I have to go to the meeting tomorrow, I'm doing something wrong."
I always have some excuse for not doing things right away.
And it's not even just difficult things that I procrastinate on. I have a portfolio due in my fiction writing class next week. I find fiction difficult, but right now it's pretty simple cause I pretty much just have to revise. but have I even started it yet? no. of course I haven't. Cause I'm a terrible procrastinator.
Sometimes, it's not even work that I procrastinate on. sometimes, I just don't eat cause I'm too lazy to make food. who procrastinates on eating? this is madness!
Anyways, I'm really stressing out about this paper. But I'm still not going to write it yet.
Maybe I'll get my act in gear soon. probably not.
Ciao!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Fridays Are For Sleeping. . . Apparently
If you know me, you know that I don't sleep real well. I'll often get only 3 or 4 hours of sleep on a school night. I don't know how these things work for most people, but for me, as the week goes on, I get progressively more tired and by the time I get to the weekend, I'm so exhausted that I sleep for a day.
Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration.
let's take this past week as an example. I started off Monday tired already cause I stayed up all night before school (cause this no sleep thing is a terrible cycle). I was really tired, but it tried my best to stay up absolutely as long as possible. It wasn't all that long. I probably went to sleep around 5 pm. and then i woke up at around midnight or so, unable to fall back asleep. typical. around 5 or 6 am I finally get tired enough to fall asleep. I get to sleep for a couple of hours before I have to do the whole thing over again.
Thursdays are always the worst. I have all of my classes then, so I don't get to fall asleep early. My last class ends at 8 pm so I have to stay up at least that late. Somehow, I managed it. and then when I got home, I took a shower and ate (cause for once I put food as a higher priority than sleep) and I finally got to sleep around 11. That's pretty early for me considering that when I'm not going to bed at 5 pm I'm usually going to bed at like 4 am.
So, surprisingly, I sleep through the night. I woke up at around 9am. I was all "yeah, maybe I'll get on a normal sleep schedule and not hate myself all next week. I made breakfast, read some of my book, had lunch.
I started feeling tired again around 2 pm
I resisted as long as I could. I ate my lunch and tried to keep myself occupied. It seriously didn't work.
I ended up falling asleep around 4 pm
And I slept
and slept
and slept.
it was nearly 2 in the morning when I woke up.
So yes, I almost slept through the entire day of Friday.
and the worst part is, after being awake for about 15 minutes, I felt like I could sleep some more.
So. . . yeah. I'm a little annoyed with sleep at the moment. and I've been up since 2 in the morning. I'm glad I have 3 day weekends though. it allows me to have about the same weekends as other people because every week my entire Friday is sacrificed to sleep.
So. yeah.
Goodnight. :)
Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration.
let's take this past week as an example. I started off Monday tired already cause I stayed up all night before school (cause this no sleep thing is a terrible cycle). I was really tired, but it tried my best to stay up absolutely as long as possible. It wasn't all that long. I probably went to sleep around 5 pm. and then i woke up at around midnight or so, unable to fall back asleep. typical. around 5 or 6 am I finally get tired enough to fall asleep. I get to sleep for a couple of hours before I have to do the whole thing over again.
Thursdays are always the worst. I have all of my classes then, so I don't get to fall asleep early. My last class ends at 8 pm so I have to stay up at least that late. Somehow, I managed it. and then when I got home, I took a shower and ate (cause for once I put food as a higher priority than sleep) and I finally got to sleep around 11. That's pretty early for me considering that when I'm not going to bed at 5 pm I'm usually going to bed at like 4 am.
So, surprisingly, I sleep through the night. I woke up at around 9am. I was all "yeah, maybe I'll get on a normal sleep schedule and not hate myself all next week. I made breakfast, read some of my book, had lunch.
I started feeling tired again around 2 pm
I resisted as long as I could. I ate my lunch and tried to keep myself occupied. It seriously didn't work.
I ended up falling asleep around 4 pm
And I slept
and slept
and slept.
it was nearly 2 in the morning when I woke up.
So yes, I almost slept through the entire day of Friday.
and the worst part is, after being awake for about 15 minutes, I felt like I could sleep some more.
So. . . yeah. I'm a little annoyed with sleep at the moment. and I've been up since 2 in the morning. I'm glad I have 3 day weekends though. it allows me to have about the same weekends as other people because every week my entire Friday is sacrificed to sleep.
So. yeah.
Goodnight. :)
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Random book discussion 1: The Red Pyramid
Okay, I'm a loser. I accept this as a fact of life. I'm into books that almost 21 year olds just shouldn't be into. For instance, I'm totally into the whole Percy Jackson thing. Percy Jackson and the Olympians? great. Heroes of Olympus? perfect. so when I heard about Rick Riordan's other mythology series about the Egyptian gods, I was all on board.
I started reading the first book in the series this evening. It's called The Red Pyramid. I'm currently about halfway through, and I don't want to sound harsh, but I really hate it. The plot is great it has a lot of potential. but the characters. god. the two main characters are named Carter and Sadie. for reasons that haven't really been explained, they were raised apart. They are both envious of the other.
Sadie lives with their grandparents on their mother's side in London where she complains because she can't fit in. apparently people asking where your dad is when he's a world famous Egyptologist is a difficult thing to live with. as is explaining that your mom is dead. seems pretty simple to me really. She's envious because Carter gets to live with their father.
Carter gets to travel the world with his father. He's envious because Sadie gets to have a normal life. Carter doesn't get any real kind of education and is constantly in danger because his father is on the run from a group of Egyptian magicians. He kind of gets the short end of the stick in my mind. they're constantly traveling and Carter never has a chance to really BE any place. he never gets to have any friends or make any memories. His whole life is what he can carry in one suitcase that can fit in an overhead compartment on an airplane.
So the story starts off with Carter and their father getting Sadie for their one day visit out of their two whole days visitation time for the year. and already I don't like Sadie. She's a bitch. she thinks she's so much better than her brother. and she's constantly making fun of him. and it only gets worse throughout the book!
Once they discover their powers she's like automatically good at them and Carter struggles. and she's like "haha. you suck!"
Usually, I'm all for strong female characters. but I fucking Hate Sadie. She has no redeeming qualities. And come on Rick! it seems to me like you made your main character (I see Carter as the main character) suck! If he doesn't get substantially better than Sadie (or at least shut her smug ass up) by the end of this book, I'm dropping the series. and That is not something I do lightly.
P.S. I know nobody that actually reads this will know or care what I'm talking about, but I had to get this little rant off my chest and I couldn't find any discussion forums about The Red Pyramid. I'm sure they exist, but I didn't really want to look for them very much.
And another thing! nobody ever explains a thing to these kids! the Percy Jackson had this problem too. The adults all know what's going on but they never explain it to the kids. to try and spare them I suppose? but then they send these kids into these dangerous situations with next to no knowledge about how to deal with their situations. it seems counter productive. and since nobody ever explains it to the kids, the reader doesn't know either. we're left in the dark knowing that someone knows but isn't telling us. I hate that.
I may do more book-y things like this in the future. It depends how I feel about books I read.
Ta-ta
Citrina
I started reading the first book in the series this evening. It's called The Red Pyramid. I'm currently about halfway through, and I don't want to sound harsh, but I really hate it. The plot is great it has a lot of potential. but the characters. god. the two main characters are named Carter and Sadie. for reasons that haven't really been explained, they were raised apart. They are both envious of the other.
Sadie lives with their grandparents on their mother's side in London where she complains because she can't fit in. apparently people asking where your dad is when he's a world famous Egyptologist is a difficult thing to live with. as is explaining that your mom is dead. seems pretty simple to me really. She's envious because Carter gets to live with their father.
Carter gets to travel the world with his father. He's envious because Sadie gets to have a normal life. Carter doesn't get any real kind of education and is constantly in danger because his father is on the run from a group of Egyptian magicians. He kind of gets the short end of the stick in my mind. they're constantly traveling and Carter never has a chance to really BE any place. he never gets to have any friends or make any memories. His whole life is what he can carry in one suitcase that can fit in an overhead compartment on an airplane.
So the story starts off with Carter and their father getting Sadie for their one day visit out of their two whole days visitation time for the year. and already I don't like Sadie. She's a bitch. she thinks she's so much better than her brother. and she's constantly making fun of him. and it only gets worse throughout the book!
Once they discover their powers she's like automatically good at them and Carter struggles. and she's like "haha. you suck!"
Usually, I'm all for strong female characters. but I fucking Hate Sadie. She has no redeeming qualities. And come on Rick! it seems to me like you made your main character (I see Carter as the main character) suck! If he doesn't get substantially better than Sadie (or at least shut her smug ass up) by the end of this book, I'm dropping the series. and That is not something I do lightly.
P.S. I know nobody that actually reads this will know or care what I'm talking about, but I had to get this little rant off my chest and I couldn't find any discussion forums about The Red Pyramid. I'm sure they exist, but I didn't really want to look for them very much.
And another thing! nobody ever explains a thing to these kids! the Percy Jackson had this problem too. The adults all know what's going on but they never explain it to the kids. to try and spare them I suppose? but then they send these kids into these dangerous situations with next to no knowledge about how to deal with their situations. it seems counter productive. and since nobody ever explains it to the kids, the reader doesn't know either. we're left in the dark knowing that someone knows but isn't telling us. I hate that.
I may do more book-y things like this in the future. It depends how I feel about books I read.
Ta-ta
Citrina
to E or not to E
Okay, so for the longest time I've been all "no, I'm probably never gonna get an e-reader. It's hard on my eyes to look at a lit up screen for a long time and I like paper books, you know?" but I have books on my computer that I read and it's getting so inconvenient to have to sit at my desk when I want to read them. Especially because oftentimes I'll sit and I'll read them until I finish. That's a long time to sit at my desk! sometimes 8 hours. that's hard on me in the first place since I prefer to read in bed. There's nothing I like more than a free day in bed where I can just read all day and finish a couple of books.
But when I only have the books I want to read on my computer, I have no choice but to spend my entire weekend at my desk. let me tell you, it's hard on my back and my eyes. I've had to resort to wearing my glasses when I have to be on the computer. It stinks.
And the worst part is that I KNOW there are no real reasons for me to be reluctant to get an e-reader. I'm just so into real books that I feel like I'm betraying them, which is a ridiculous notion. If I got an e-reader it wouldn't mean that I love paper books any less, I would just have more options for my reading. I could read any book. literally. any. book. now, I can only read books I can find, which let me tell you is becoming fewer and fewer.
My bookshelf is going to shun me.
I'm going to wake up one morning and it will have turned completely around to face the wall. It will feel betrayed and I will feel horrible.
But I just want to read my Goddamned books in bed. Why is this a big deal?
I don't know but I feel sick just thinking about getting an e-reader. but I really think that one will make my reading life better.
Anyway. I'm done with this weird rant thing. I'm gonna ask for a kindle paperwhite for my birthday. I'm gonna feel terrible and I'm gonna gain a bunch of weight by drowning those feelings in rootbeer (or Dr Pepper) and whiskey. and probably some form of chocolate.
and I'm gonna read my Percy Jackson books in bed and no body will be able to do a god damned thing to stop me.
Alright. Bye.
But when I only have the books I want to read on my computer, I have no choice but to spend my entire weekend at my desk. let me tell you, it's hard on my back and my eyes. I've had to resort to wearing my glasses when I have to be on the computer. It stinks.
And the worst part is that I KNOW there are no real reasons for me to be reluctant to get an e-reader. I'm just so into real books that I feel like I'm betraying them, which is a ridiculous notion. If I got an e-reader it wouldn't mean that I love paper books any less, I would just have more options for my reading. I could read any book. literally. any. book. now, I can only read books I can find, which let me tell you is becoming fewer and fewer.
My bookshelf is going to shun me.
I'm going to wake up one morning and it will have turned completely around to face the wall. It will feel betrayed and I will feel horrible.
But I just want to read my Goddamned books in bed. Why is this a big deal?
I don't know but I feel sick just thinking about getting an e-reader. but I really think that one will make my reading life better.
Anyway. I'm done with this weird rant thing. I'm gonna ask for a kindle paperwhite for my birthday. I'm gonna feel terrible and I'm gonna gain a bunch of weight by drowning those feelings in rootbeer (or Dr Pepper) and whiskey. and probably some form of chocolate.
and I'm gonna read my Percy Jackson books in bed and no body will be able to do a god damned thing to stop me.
Alright. Bye.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Adult things
If I ever manage to get a boyfriend (which I'm assured will happen sooner or later), and then if I ever manage to land myself a husband (which I'm also assured will happen), I'm not sure where I'll go from there.
I'm essentially a very selfish individual. If it ever happens that I love someone enough to agree to marry them, I'm not sure I'd be able to share that person with a child. I'd probably end up depressed as hell feeling unwanted and unnecessary. and what if that love ends? I don't want to bring a child into a nasty divorce (or perhaps even worse, string along a loveless marriage). and what if I have a kid and neglect it, like my parents. parenting is for the rest of your life. you can't just give up on your kids once they can kind of look after themselves. I'm not sure I could handle that.
On the one hand having children would be cool and things. like it's a mini you and you can shape it and love it and comfort it. but on the other hand, I would have a hard time with the vomiting and crying and pooping it does.
I'd be one of those no-nonsense moms. you are not going to fucking throw a temper tantrum in this store or I will put you in the box of shame. and don't you dare try to put that candy in the cart. and don't even get me started about holidays. my uncle and I frequently talk about my future because I've been tasked with his well-being when he gets too decrepit to take care of himself. he assures me that he and my future husband (whomever he may be) will make my life hell during Holidays. I replied to him that there will be no nonsense while I'm cooking or cleaning. any other time it will be fine. as long as it's not at the dinner table. and I have full rights to throw my cheap dishes (that he got me for christmas this year but one of the bowls was missing) at them and order them into the garage so they can make me something that will make me not mad at them.
My uncle says I'm going to be a ball-buster of a wife because I catch his mistakes and point them out to him. he almost knelt on the table leaves as we were cleaning up from the holidays and after he was done wrapping them up I said "that was a good decision you made in not kneeling on those." I watch people do what they're doing. If they make a mistake, depending on the gravity, I might or might not tell them right away. but I will always acknowledge when someone makes a wise decision. I think I'm very reasonable in the tasks I expect men to do.
Anyway, My uncle doesn't really like children, because most children are "little shits" (though he said that he will like mine should I have them, based almost solely on the fact that they would be mine. and because they would be mine, they wouldn't be little shits). and actually, I agree. I don't really like children. but the one thing that's keeping me from saying "nope never ever ever gonna have kids ever" and getting my tubes tied right now is that comforting a scared child has always kind of been something I've wanted to do. I don't really remember a whole lot of my mom. It will be 7 years since she killed herself this May 14th, and I don't really have a whole lot of memories left from my childhood. but one memory that I do have is of my dad going on a rampage in mine and my sister's room, cleaning it (throwing everything in a garbage bag and throwing it away). I was really scared and I remember my mom holding me, real comfortingly.
I've been told before that I make up some of my memories. so this may or may not even be a real memory, but it doesn't really matter. because of that memory, I've wanted to be able to comfort a child. and for various other reasons that I don't really want to go into right now, I'd prefer to not adopt if I were going to want children someday (although if I were going to adopt I would probably go for a brother and sister of around 6 or so, lets skip the poopy diaper stage if we can yeah?).
And this may sound strange coming from a girl who currently doesn't want kids at all, but if I'm gonna go through the trouble of pushing a baby through my vagina, I want to get it all done with as soon as possible and have twins. a boy and a girl. and as they grow up I want them to learn different languages. I want them to know at least 3. Obviously English would be their first language. and then I would want them to have another language in common, but one that neither I nor their father knows. siblings need to be able to have some sibling secrets from their parents. and then I would want them to each have another language that's just for themselves. so they can have some independent thought and keep some secrets to themselves.
Maybe that's unrealistic, but I think it would be good if possible.
I also like to think I'd be strict on entertainment and cell phones. It would be books in my home- reading out-loud before bed, story making games. Those are the kinds of things I did as a kid. at first it was a chore, but as soon as I found out that a higher reading ability wasn't something to be embarrassed about, it was the one thing I was proud of. family movie night would be a thing and maybe some tv on weekends, but a home full of book lovers is what I will cultivate. There's no need for tv when you have books aplenty. and they wouldn't have cell phones until they drive unless they have some after-school activity that requires them to travel or something. It's just not necessary before then.
Okay, this is a really long post to say that I don't want kids, but if I ever do happen to want them I'll want twins, a boy and a girl.
P.S. I'm terrified that I'm gonna end up an old maid. (that's such an archaic term, but it completely encapsulates my fear.) I don't want to grow old alone.
I'm essentially a very selfish individual. If it ever happens that I love someone enough to agree to marry them, I'm not sure I'd be able to share that person with a child. I'd probably end up depressed as hell feeling unwanted and unnecessary. and what if that love ends? I don't want to bring a child into a nasty divorce (or perhaps even worse, string along a loveless marriage). and what if I have a kid and neglect it, like my parents. parenting is for the rest of your life. you can't just give up on your kids once they can kind of look after themselves. I'm not sure I could handle that.
On the one hand having children would be cool and things. like it's a mini you and you can shape it and love it and comfort it. but on the other hand, I would have a hard time with the vomiting and crying and pooping it does.
I'd be one of those no-nonsense moms. you are not going to fucking throw a temper tantrum in this store or I will put you in the box of shame. and don't you dare try to put that candy in the cart. and don't even get me started about holidays. my uncle and I frequently talk about my future because I've been tasked with his well-being when he gets too decrepit to take care of himself. he assures me that he and my future husband (whomever he may be) will make my life hell during Holidays. I replied to him that there will be no nonsense while I'm cooking or cleaning. any other time it will be fine. as long as it's not at the dinner table. and I have full rights to throw my cheap dishes (that he got me for christmas this year but one of the bowls was missing) at them and order them into the garage so they can make me something that will make me not mad at them.
My uncle says I'm going to be a ball-buster of a wife because I catch his mistakes and point them out to him. he almost knelt on the table leaves as we were cleaning up from the holidays and after he was done wrapping them up I said "that was a good decision you made in not kneeling on those." I watch people do what they're doing. If they make a mistake, depending on the gravity, I might or might not tell them right away. but I will always acknowledge when someone makes a wise decision. I think I'm very reasonable in the tasks I expect men to do.
Anyway, My uncle doesn't really like children, because most children are "little shits" (though he said that he will like mine should I have them, based almost solely on the fact that they would be mine. and because they would be mine, they wouldn't be little shits). and actually, I agree. I don't really like children. but the one thing that's keeping me from saying "nope never ever ever gonna have kids ever" and getting my tubes tied right now is that comforting a scared child has always kind of been something I've wanted to do. I don't really remember a whole lot of my mom. It will be 7 years since she killed herself this May 14th, and I don't really have a whole lot of memories left from my childhood. but one memory that I do have is of my dad going on a rampage in mine and my sister's room, cleaning it (throwing everything in a garbage bag and throwing it away). I was really scared and I remember my mom holding me, real comfortingly.
I've been told before that I make up some of my memories. so this may or may not even be a real memory, but it doesn't really matter. because of that memory, I've wanted to be able to comfort a child. and for various other reasons that I don't really want to go into right now, I'd prefer to not adopt if I were going to want children someday (although if I were going to adopt I would probably go for a brother and sister of around 6 or so, lets skip the poopy diaper stage if we can yeah?).
And this may sound strange coming from a girl who currently doesn't want kids at all, but if I'm gonna go through the trouble of pushing a baby through my vagina, I want to get it all done with as soon as possible and have twins. a boy and a girl. and as they grow up I want them to learn different languages. I want them to know at least 3. Obviously English would be their first language. and then I would want them to have another language in common, but one that neither I nor their father knows. siblings need to be able to have some sibling secrets from their parents. and then I would want them to each have another language that's just for themselves. so they can have some independent thought and keep some secrets to themselves.
Maybe that's unrealistic, but I think it would be good if possible.
I also like to think I'd be strict on entertainment and cell phones. It would be books in my home- reading out-loud before bed, story making games. Those are the kinds of things I did as a kid. at first it was a chore, but as soon as I found out that a higher reading ability wasn't something to be embarrassed about, it was the one thing I was proud of. family movie night would be a thing and maybe some tv on weekends, but a home full of book lovers is what I will cultivate. There's no need for tv when you have books aplenty. and they wouldn't have cell phones until they drive unless they have some after-school activity that requires them to travel or something. It's just not necessary before then.
Okay, this is a really long post to say that I don't want kids, but if I ever do happen to want them I'll want twins, a boy and a girl.
P.S. I'm terrified that I'm gonna end up an old maid. (that's such an archaic term, but it completely encapsulates my fear.) I don't want to grow old alone.
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