Full to Bursting

My mind is so full. With Greek mythology, with sadness, with loneliness, and all other manner of procrastinating thoughts that I can't even begin to stat thinking about the writing that I have to do for my classes.

Why does it have to be Easter and I have to be alone? why does alcohol not solve the problem? it's no fun alone anyway. I wish holidays didn't exist, then I wouldn't have to be reminded that I'm alone, that I've always BEEN alone, and that I'll continue to be alone for the foreseeable future.

I've been reading the Percy Jackson books. AGAIN. because I'm obsessive. it's making me obsess with Greek Myth too. Not that I wasn't already obsessed with myth, it's just making it worse. Now that school has started up again, it's a little bit harder. I've only been in classes for like 3 days, but already I can tell I'm going to be so worn out by the end of this quarter. Not to mention the fact that somehow I have to figure out how to get an internship for this summer.

Honestly, I feel like my life is going to implode from all the stress I'm under. So naturally, my brain is trying to get me to forget my stresses by distracting me with Percy Jackson, and Greek myth, and being sad.

But now's not the time! I've got things I have to do!

I have a 500 word essay due on Tuesday. This is an essay for Creative Non-fiction, so it doesn't really have a topic. Surprisingly, that makes it about 1000% harder for me. I could probably even use one of these blog posts as my assignment. but that's cheating huh? I feel like it is.

God, I remember freaking out about my future freshman year. You remember? way back when I started this? It's fucking real now. I'm graduating next year. What the fuck am I going to do? I need this internship. I need a miracle. I need to pass these classes. I need to get good grades.

Why can I not do anything but worry about all this? it's like I'm mentally and physically incapable of doing anything productive.

Why can I not imagine a future for myself?

Questions are filling my mind to bursting along with the stress, the myth, and the procrastination.
Am I going crazy?
maybe.

Can I get through?
I have to don't I? It's not like I can kill myself and solve my problems. I promised myself that wasn't my path back in high school right?

but if I end up working at McDonalds after I graduate and perpetuate THAT English major stereotype. . . I'm going to be very mad.

Jesus, this has turned out weird.

I really just need to calm down.

How do I do that? I don't even know.

I wish I could just get my mind to SHUT UP every once in a while. I wish I wasn't such a god-damned lunatic.

I'm going to go before I go into an all out self-hatred rant.
Hope your Easter rocks.

I'll leave you with this adorable picture of the Easter bunny from when he isn't believed in from Dreamworks Rise of the Guardians
He's so adorable!
:D
night.